(Source: bradleycoopersexualfrustrations)
(Source: niceguywithwrongattitude)
good…lordddd…
after my rant…this is exactly what i needed!
Thinking…
So I recently got done watching the documentary, the secret, and it got me thinking. it put me in a mood where I need to release things, but heaven forbid i use an actual journal..i just need a quick outlet. i think that i need to start writing to get things into perspective….lol. i have been in such a rut over the past year, on and off…i feel like this year has been a roller coaster and my life could not be any different than where it was a year ago. at first..i kept thinking of it negatively. thinking what did i do to deserve this…i was a great girlfriend, but yet my relationship still ended…i was a hard worker…but somehow i still got laid off. it has been hard for me to comprehend the hardships i have encountered and why i deserved them. i have been so preoccupied by not knowing the future and being negative about it…that i have seemed to forget the past and what has brought me here. i have not been grateful enough over the past years…and i am starting to believe that thinking negatively will bring more negative energy upon you..i decided i am going to start being grateful and think about it daily, like a mantra, to make sure my soul is in the right place….a happy place..top 5 things i am grateful for right now…
1.) past accomplishments. how blessed am i? i have accomplished so much in my 25 years, that i need to think of that more often that why do i not have a job at this very moment. this moment doesnt define me..what defines me is what i have already done. i have traveled the world. how lucky am i. how many people can say theyve been to london 4 times…worked and studied there…spain twice…france, belgium, portugal…the netherlands. i looked back through pictures tonight..and was completely overwhelmed. looked back at pictures from my first trip to europe..thinking i would never be back..and look what ive accomplished..all on my own. that goes to show that i can truly do anything i put my mind to. coming from no money..being able to say..you know what? this summer im going to work in london….you know what? this summer im going to go to amsterdam on my own dime. im so lucky to have found a passion…in the secret it said to think of a happy place when you start thinking negatively. the thought that immediately popped in my head:
The summer of 2008. I was working in London and decided for my weekend off to go to Brussels, Belgium. It was so exciting to go and i loved it. we went on their national day, which was like our 4th of july…so we enjoyed festivities until the fireworks that we wanted to see that night. the fireworks were monumental. i remember standing there watching the 30 minute ordeal, with tears in my eyes. music was blaring….beautiful classical music…and andrea bocelli…it was so overwhelming.. was so proud. i was so proud that i was standing there in another country. on my own. spending my money from my job in LONDON that i got on my own…standing there i couldnt believe that my “wants” had materialized. that my actions could make things achievable. it was the first moment i truly felt like an adult. on my own. and i never felt more proud and happy
2.) getting to know myself…over the past year..i believe i have finally been becoming my own best friend, which i think is essential in growing up and also finding a successful relationship. i have gotten to know myself so much and tested myself (not always by choice..) i moved to a new city…met new people…adjusted…got out of a relationship started a job and lost one..all in a year. knowing that i can go through these things and be okay…is very reassuring…getting out of my relationship was one of the hardest things that ive had to do. but i know it was for the best. i wasnt happy. and i wasted so much time and energy on trying to make myself be. which was so unproductive. during that time i realized that i needed to put myself before others. that its the prime of my life and i need to be selfish. moving forward, i am going to think of that as exciting, because i have so many opportunities now. not boo hoo..im alone. id rather be alone and happy..than in a relationship thats not going anywhere. and now i know what i want in a man. and now i know that i am going to end up with someone so much more perfect for me. how exciting is that?
3.) my friends. new and old. i have found such comfort and satisfaction in friendships. after getting out of a serious relationship…i see how they are even more important than a significant other. i cherish them.
4.) supportive family. the fact that my parents have never put limits on what i can achieve has always given me hope for my future. just because i am currently going through a hurdle, doesnt mean my prize still isnt waiting for me at the end of the race…even if right now i dont know exactly what i want that prize to be…
5.) the time to figure it out what i want. i was always such a big planner. i needed to know my future before it happened. i dont like surprises…i dont like spontaneity…i need a road map. now that my future is a complete crap shoot. its been hard to adjust to. ive been so negative lately..just because im scared. i need to take the uncertainty of the future and turn it into excitement instead. i am still young and have the time to figure out what direction my life is going to go. my therapist told me once that from birth…you and your peers are always on the same path..grade school..middle school..college…everyone is on the same timeline. then true adulthood sets in. some people are moving and getting careers faster than others..some falling in love and getting married…having kids..all at different times. no one is used to this, because were all used to doing things at the same time. now that its not like that anymore, it causes anxiety. you start to compare yourself to others. i am going to stop doing that today. and start being grateful for my situation and my life..and my future.
(Source: springtimeofhisvoodoo)
(Source: clit-fitzer)
(Source: leilockheart)
